Of knuckled knees and crossed eyes

Hello everyone, Happy Sunday! Welcome to another segment of #BeingReal segment where real people share real stories to transform lives. Today,  you would be blessed by Pastor Stella Eyuruntella-Ashe’s story. Welcome! 

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“A lot of people don’t know I have knuckle knees, what we call K-Legs. Well here you go. I am K-legged.

It’s not a disability or anything (is it? I don’t know), but it was worse than that for me. So people have lived with blindness, and deafness and all that, I have lived with K-Legs since I knew me. A very bad case, you’d think I had a polio that left a forever scar.

I can’t walk in a straight line for too long. So many times, I have banged into people and into things, and I have earned myself heavy insults from people and ridicule from friends.

Imagine walking in a company of people and you are walking into them and you have friends who don’t know what it means not to laugh. Okay. That’s it. What to do.

Add that to the fact that I was so thin. So thin, people called me ‘bag of bones’. My legs were like tiny twigs each determined to walk opposite each other, bent to look like it would break the very next step.

Yeah I have me some serious K-Legs and I battled with the idea of never being better than that.

But my seeming ‘deformity’ didn’t stop there. It extended to somewhere more evident. My eyes. I had K-eyes. Lol! The after four kind of eye. Some serious issue.

It doesn’t seem like something anyone should whine about right? I mean people have it and it’s just normal but really is it? I battled low self-esteem from these majorly for years. I felt cheated, inferior, hated, I felt lower than zero. I have three siblings who were ‘perfectly made’ extremely beautiful and to make matters worse, they were girls.

My mum was so supportive. Extremely. She loved me in spite. After all, * ees she dah born me*.

She managed me like that. She was so supportive. She made sure I never forgot that she had a straight leg and great eyes, my dad too, my brother and younger sisters, our family was one of super perfection. But then, there just has to be a “but* . It’s too bad I was the one the devil used to torment the family. What would she do? God has said I will be her ‘trial’ she can’t throw me away but if it was possible… ‘Unflinching support.’

I started lying about a lot of things. I started stealing too to feel better and be accepted (story for another day). Then I stopped with friends. I was tired of being reminded. I became my friend, my confidant, I talked to myself. everywhere even on the road. I was a loner surrounded only by my thoughts. A one day that would be better.

It didn’t come. Then I degenerated to running into the road to have my legs broken by a moving vehicle, or praying fervently for a bike accident that would affect just my legs and have it amputated. I threw sand in my eyes to get blind. I figured not having them at all was better than what I had.

See, I can’t begin to explain these things to you and the damage it did me. Some days back I was speaking with a friend about the things I faced having these issues and I fought tears to keep speaking. I’m sure he knew too.

Right now,

Do I still have knuckled knees? Yes! Big time.

Do I still struggle with it? No way!

Do I still have cross eyes? Yes, sure. But you’d have to check well to see them.

Am I beautiful? Yes sir!!! Was I beautiful then? Yes ma!!!

What was the difference?

I was looking outward. And the way I saw me, people saw me too. It took an extra trial or a revelation by the spirit to see me beyond who I was.

Right now,

My eyes are focused within. Not this motivational within about self beauty. Within came the day I got born again. I began to look within. The man I had become in Christ. I wasn’t my beauty in my own eyes again. He had become all that is beautiful to me. If he didn’t care about them, then I couldn’t care less about my K-Legs and cross eyes and the guys who wouldn’t ‘toast’ me because of the way I walked or the friends who thought I was a disgrace to their clique.

He was something new about me. I wanted all focus there on Him. Well, I had my eyes focused on reading scriptures for hours and closed praying for hours too. Maybe that’s what I needed. Nothing could separate me from the love and joy I had found… Not K-Legs nor after four eyes. Nope! Not the outward!

Right now…

I know I am amazing. I know I look amazing. Above all else, I know my amazing. HIM!

Do I feel better about me? No dear Feeling is fleeting! I know better about me. I’m staying in that knowing. I’m perfect in my spirit in Him. That’s all I am about. My IN HIM existence. Right now, that’s all that matters.

It sets every other thing straight.
He is my amazing.
I don’t have a worth in myself.
Christ is my worth
I flaunt Him.

#Projectflauntyourworth
#IamAmazing

You are Stellar and Amazing
SSEA

P.S. “I love you baby. And I love your legs. So much” whether it’

P.S 2: My mummy is far different now. Our friendship is amazing. (We have a history though. I know mine. It was of hate. I might tell the story. Or not. But we live each other heavy and we show it well)