Veekhy’s note: Here is another episode of #BeingReal where real people share real stories. Be blessed!
I am the fourth son in a family of five sons and I didn’t have a relationship with my extended family. My point is this, for the formative years of my life, I was majorly in the midst of males. Even my mum, was almost always not around as she traveled a lot on business trips. I only saw her once in a week or two meaning I practically grew up with dad.
I liked girls, of course I wasn’t gay, but there was no way I could lay my hands on any of them. I felt like I was invincible to them. I did all I could, even went out of my way to be weird in other to court attention but all was in vain.
Come to think of it, I wasn’t one of those shy nerdy boys in class, I was one of the people who made things happen (one of the top 3 football players in school), you know what that means?
Now, something had to be wrong because I saw the girls throw themselves at other guys and so I resolved that I was never going to be good enough for the girls. Since it’s a story, let me share some examples of what I mean:
In primary 3, a girl mocked and assaulted me with words. She asked me to stop school because I had small ringworms on my head. After that, whenever I saw her, all of my confidence jumped out of the window. I was so glad when she left the school.
Again in JSS2, all my guys knew that I loved this girl, “we” even wrote a letter to her that I wasn’t bold enough to give her, so imagine my surprise when a friend walks up to me and tells me how the girl had been throwing herself at him. Instantly, I gave up afterall, I had been invisible to this girl since I first fell in love with her in primary 6.
This is the last one I am going to share on this side of the story. I was in ss1, having just changed schools and topping the class, there happened to be a girl I could die for. I had laboured my intention for weeks, took little peaks at her in class, gave her my notes as often as she asked, even visited her home in pretense of seeing her brother who happened to be my friend. All the while, I was invisible to her when my best friend walked up to me one day to profess his undying love for her. There was nothing I could do anymore.
Note: as an unwritten rule, the first person that spoke to the guys about the girl, had her)
Then I had a breakthrough, or so I thought. I got admission into the university and like every naive young man, I thought I would find a beautiful girl in my faculty and then we would fall in love (Indian style). So imagine my surprise when after 6 months in school, I didn’t even have one female friend.
Somewhere along the line, I eventually got into relationships like I had been craving but it was purely lustful and manipulative. I thought it was all about the sex and showing them off to friends, and yes my girlfriends were beautiful.
Since i didn’t know how to communicate with then, I resorted to controlling them. I was scared that they would leave me for a better guy if one showed up so I constantly reduced their self esteem and magnified mine. I’m sorry, I was scared so I made them feel like I was the best they could ever have.
I constantly used them to impress my friends and even resorted to using jealousy by making them feel they were in a competition with someone else over me. They didn’t know better.
This whole fear and manipulation evaporated when I found out about righteousness, how I am secure in God’s love, how He loves me eternally and how there is nothing i can do to change His love towards me. This gospel changed my life and cause a paradigm shift in my perspective. It was more than enough, knowing that I am loved by God. I didn’t need the ladies attention to validate my worth anymore.
You won’t believe it, but where I was so eager to date a girl, I am now eager to bless her. Where I was quick to criticise and reduce her self esteem, I now encourage and inspire her to do great things. I have more female friends now, almost double the number of male friends.
How did I change? I saw God’s love towards me, I was awed and tried to show the same things to the the beautiful women God has placed around me. Even my mum loves me more now.
I am no longer scared or manipulative. I am complete in Christ, accepted in the beloved and secure in His love. My understanding of this makes it so much easier to relate with sisters. This change was effortless, grace changed me.
Thanks to all the wonderful ladies in my life. You have been a part of this wonderful story called me. I love you all.
PS: I know this blessed you.
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You can download my debut spoken word Ep #Breathe below