I WASN’T DEPRESSED, I JUST NEEDED GOD!

Welcome to #BeingReal, a segment where real people share real stories about the dark places they have been and how they found light. Be blessed!

My name is Adeola and I’m here to share my God experience.

A brief background

At about age 7, it was discovered that I had sickle cell anemia and because I didn’t like drugs, I became a regular customer at the hospital.

At age 11, one of my teeth started growing from my gum and so my school mates started to call me vampire and it messed with my self esteem. I eventually got braises to fix that. Boarding house was also a problem, I’d fall sick very regularly and get rushed to the hospital. I remember how I’d have crises during exams or in the middle of the night and then they’d have to get a bike or have people back me in turns to get me to the hospital.

A doctor had told my mom and I that most people with sickle cell don’t live up to 30 years old. All these lies were building up and I just wasn’t happy. I used to feel like that problem child that was just spending all the family money and made a conscious effort especially in my academics and so I did quite well. I got admission into Covenant University and I got my desired course. Got in with the determination to end the pity party that I had experienced so I was more conscious on ensuring I was healthy and happy.

Apart from books, I had an interest in business and so while in school I started a business with my friend which was doing extremely good. In my final year I had a major crisis and I was in the hospital for a longer period than I’d usually be admitted for and they gave me too many pain killers. They discharged me and then the pain killers began to have negative effects, I couldn’t sleep and I was hallucinating, I couldn’t remember things neither was I conscious of my environment. It was the first time it was happening and so it was strange. It was an episode I was ashamed to talk about and I’d feel really sad when any of my friends brought it up or joked about it but I didn’t discuss it.

I graduated in June 2016 and got an internship job in October and I was able to do my NYSC there as well. In January 2017, I had another crises, this was triggered again by stress and lack of sleep as I was eager to keep the business going as well as the beginning of my career and didn’t want anything to mess it up. I had a panic attack at work and got rushed to the hospital. The consultant in charge told my parents that I should see a psychologist so I could discuss why I wasn’t sleeping and using my drugs because ideally I shouldn’t have crisis as often since I’m SC, not SS. And so we went to see a psychologist and I didn’t say anything. First off it was in Aro and I’m like at 20 they’re already taking me to see a psychologist.

I couldn’t talk about how I felt or explain that it wasn’t the first time a thing of such was happening, I didn’t tell my friends either. I got over the phase and got retained by the company. At this point my business had died, my partner and I had split up as I was the more active partner and I got busy with my career. Towards the end of 2018, I relocated to the island, however, my work load had doubled and I had assumed more responsibilities such that I didn’t have time for church or God. In November I met someone and we got close. She could see how I was struggling and she mentioned LifePointe church to me during one of our conversations but I was too busy and didn’t have time for church.

Eventually I attended on the last Sunday of the year and I was happy. I enjoyed the service and the ambience and knew I had found the place. Entering into 2019 I decided I wanted to be genuinely happy and I wanted to take my personal relationship with God more seriously. And so I started coming, in the midst of the busy week I’d look forward to coming to church.

Hearing people share their God experiences was very motivating and I remember thinking one day I’d share mine I didn’t know it will be this soon.

Then I decided it was time to start preparing for my masters so I enrolled for Gmat classes, coincidentally my friend who I used to go to work with relocated and so I had to use public transport. I had assumed more roles at work and was working on bigger accounts, and so I had so much on my plate that I didn’t even have time for anything else. It was work, class, church. Despite the fact that my schedule was way busier than it had been, I found out that the church was my happy place was always eager to hear the sermon or the worship or someone’s God experience. I had become too busy to eat, sleep or use my drugs. But in the midst of it all I would ensure I read even just a bible verse daily and it kept me going. I kept on falling ill regularly, I remember going to an hospital and a doctor told me I was pretending because he felt if I was truly in pains I’d be wailing, I didn’t cry, it was my friend that cried on my behalf when the doctor said it. She asked how I was so strong despite the fact that I was in so much pains and also doing a lot. But I had grown thick skin cos I was determined to live a normal life and not live as a sickler. So I kept falling ill but I didn’t go any where cos I didn’t want another doctor to say I was pretending. I became tired of life, I’d show up at work looking very fine I’d take pictures and halfway through I’d take off my wig, sometimes I’d sit on the floor and work till very late get home at midnight and continue the cycle again. In February I decided it was time to resign and I discussed with my friends and family and they advised that I get a job first before leaving which was the rational thing to do.

Fast forward to April, I had started losing weight and people had started asking why I was always on and off work. I felt bad because this was a past I had struggled so hard to leave behind. I eventually went to the hospital when it got really bad and then left abruptly because I had to go back to work. Now at this time I had become very emotional was looking sick and it was obvious something was wrong.

One night I started sending out messages to all my friends that I love them. I started forgetting things I had to do, I texted my friend and asked her to share her worship playlist with me. I downloaded some Folabi Nuel and Flo rocka songs and was listening to them. The next day I had a panic attack at my biggest clients office my whole body was vibrating and I couldn’t stop crying, I was ashamed that my health had embarrassed me. She’s a Christian and she prayed with me. On my way home I still had work to do despite the fact that I was feeling that way I couldn’t just leave the work because I didn’t want my heath to be an excuse to not perform well. I got home that night and eventually I decided it was time to drop my resignation letter, I couldn’t type my body was vibrating I was just crying I just wanted to die. Miraculously my friend needed a place to stay for about 3 days for a project and she was home that night. The thought of just taking my life crossed my mind that night. She helped me type my resignation letter and I took it to the office the next morning. This was like day 4 without sleep, I had terrible migraines and I wasn’t eating. I left the office and wailed non-stop till I got to the hospital at noon I just wanted to sleep I couldn’t feel my body or feel any pains. By evening I still couldn’t sleep I started hallucinating again so they gave me sleeping tabs. Just before I slept, I spoke to my mom and told her goodbye. I woke up about 15 minutes after ( I thought I had slept for about 7 hours) and started shouting and screaming, I was scared, I thought I was going to die. I woke up and called my friend to start coming from the mainland that I was scared. I called my client and my friend and I was shouting at them I told the nurses to tell everybody that loves me to pray for me. I called my elder brother and told him to tell everyone that loves me to pray for me. Then I started singing all the songs in my worship playlist and started quoting bible verses I could remember. Then the real crisis began my hands became swollen, and they were looking for veins to inject me with sleeping tabs. They kept on increasing the dosage of the sleeping tabs till I eventually slept. I couldn’t sleep without music in my ears so I put “You love me” on repeat. I had high BP and when they discharged me they gave me a referral letter to see a psychiatrist that I was depressed , this broke me at 22! it was scheduled for Wednesday’s at 5:30 I’m like I’m not going to see any body I’m not depressed I just need God. Luckily it was an hour to midweek service so i would rather be in church. I had made a promise to God during that week that if he could sort out my career I’d share my God experience because my health was deteriorating majorly because of my career. The devils plan was for those messages to have been the last time my friends would hear from me. He placed people in my life at the time to help me through it. I broke down in tears everyday for the next 3 weeks because fear started creeping in, what will I do next, will my health get worse? Will I ever get a job? I lost so much weight and dropped a dress size in the space of a month. I then came to church the next Sunday and right outside the first thing I saw was “don’t give up”. It was all instrumental in making me whole again. I picked up my business and God gave me speed and direction. Funds came in miraculously to set it up.

Fast forward to today, I am happy and at peace, because I’m sure of God’s love for me. I was unhappy and felt my life had no meaning, but God has given my life a meaning. I prayed for God to fix my career and he fixed my entire life.

There are times when fear creeps in and I’m like what’s next, where am I going to get a better job and what not but I just say over to you God and I’m rest assured that God has got me.

I’d like to pray for anyone here who’s going through a phase that seems like God isn’t there or things aren’t happening, just talk to God, or find someone to pray with and for you and watch how He’d take control.
I would also like to pray for any one that wants to give their life to Christ please say after me:

“Dear Father, I come to you today with all I am and all I have I believe that Jesus died for me and gave his life for me and I commit myself to You today. In Jesus name, Amen!

Ps: Thank you Adeola for agreeing to share your story here. I pray that everyone who reads this would be encouraged and receive new life within.

Have a great week guys, see the flier below if you’d like to share your story here.

Victory Osarumwense

Popularly called Victory Osas is a Financial Analyst by day and a creative storyteller with every breath she takes. She is the kind of person who would take the window sit in a car just to look at the people walking by. She says that people are walking stories and often finds a way to wrap ordinary moments that people would overlook to her works.

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