Victory’s note: Hello! Today’s post is from our #BeingReal segment. Where real people share real stories about stumbling, scars, finding grace and a new name.
This is Pastor Stella Eyuruntela- Ashe’s story. Be blessed!
“When people see me, I think one of the things they imagine is a perfect woman without flaws or faults. You know, a Mona Lisa painting primed to perfection.
I am usually honored to show people how mistaken they are about this assumption. How untrue this idea is. Let us even start from the beginning, I HAVE PIMPLES!
You name it: pimples, acne, black heads. Also, I have a long scar on my face that is a reminder of an accident I had been through. I cried first from pain and then from disappointment. The fact that people made statements like: ‘Ah! The devil wants to apologise your fine girl, but it will not work for him’ did not help matters.
The visible scars are there, but the invisible ones are more.
I’ve made mistakes in my life that I could have avoided. Mistakes I have regretted. I have fears that many may never understand. One of the fears I have battled in my life is the fear of not being enough. The first day my mum called me into her room to tell me the events that led to my birth, I was young and I didn’t fully understand her but I would never forget what she said afterwards. She looked at me straight and told me “You are not an ordinary girl o. You were born to do BIG things, your future is very bright.” Then she ended with “God will always be with you.”
One of the greatest mistakes I have made in my life is measuring God’s choice of me with my insufficiency. It has cost me more than anything else. I grew up looking at myself from other people’s ideas. I peeped through other people’s mirrors to see me in them. I struggled with my imperfections because I felt I needed to be good enough to be good for God. I had to be perfect to be perfect for a perfect God. How these drove me to the wrong places, doing the wrong things for all the right causes. The struggle to be enough.
At some point, I heard that I needed to be smart and very intelligent. So I became as inquisitive as a cat. I read every thing I could lay my hands on. One time, my dad was asked in a competition, that if I wasn’t doing chores what would I be doing? His answer was simple; reading, reading and reading. Reading what? they asked further. “Anything”, he replied.
He was right. I read anything at all and until I delved into different things. From the DAVINCI code, to astrology, to voodoo, to Tarrot cards… I read everything. I made an order for the seventh book of Moses, but it never came through. God had a plan, I am sure. I sought for acceptance and validation from the world. After all, ‘the voice of the people is the voice of God’. So with each crowd, I had a different validation test to pass. Fashion, parties, guys… you name it.
With one crowd, I was arranged with a guy once. I couldn’t do it.
Then came the season of hurts, pains, betrayal and disappointment. My trust was shattered and my hope dashed. There was also the season of hating God and I was at my last. Shaken with fear and drowning in a pool of condemnation.
God had a plan. My Mum was right. God was always with me. He found me. And then he turned my eyes to Him. I saw Him in all of who He is; Holy, Perfect, Righteous, flawless, without faults, spotless and without blemish. But this time, I didn’t see Him alone. He made me see me in Him. It was all too clear. I had my focus wrong and so much judgements would be wrong. He wasn’t just with me. I was in Him and He was in me.
In Him, who I think I am doesn’t even matter one bit. I am who He says I am. Where I saw mistakes, He saw me Perfect. Where I saw flaws, He saw me blameless, where I saw faults, He saw me righteous. Where I saw my past, He saw me Now; In Him!
It was easy to bring me through all that after I had my focus redirected. He’s brought me from that place to this place. Where my imperfections aren’t seen so much as that but as the very reason why He chose me. He doesn’t call the perfect, He perfects the called in His son… That the excellency of the power might be of Him and not of us.
Am I imperfect? Yes! Am I flawed? Yes.
I don’t even have a glorified body yet, but in all this, I’m in Him. So, my eyes aren’t focused on my humanity, but on awesome divinity embedded in frail humanity. The whole of God living in my Spirit. I am imperfect man, made perfect in Godly Perfection. This is my story forever. I hope this helps someone.”
PS: Thank you Stella for sharing with us. I know someone would be transformed by your testimony. One thing that stood out for me was that we must not look at people to get my validation, but rather look to God and see ourselves through His loving eyes. Beyond the look of “perfection”, people have struggles. Real struggles that you may never know about.
Now, that is the reason for #BeingReal: Real people, Real stories.
Do you want to share your faith story to inspire lives?
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