I thought I was a lesbian (Anonymous)

Victory’s note: HelIo people. Here is another episode of #BeingReal where real people share real struggles and how they overcame. Read to the end, share and be blessed. 


I prefer to be anonymous.

During my university days, I went to collect some academic materials from a course mate and after copying them unto my pen drive, I asked that he add any “cool movie” in his keep. He added a few movies and emphasized how interesting one of them was.

Later that evening, I settled down to watch the movie he had marked as interesting. It was indeed a very interesting movie series until a particular episode.

In this episode, there was a scene of two girls making out- kissing and fondling in a pool-and I got turned on. Maybe it was because I had never seen anything like that before, I had heard about lesbianism, but it wasn’t something I had pictured in my head. I quickly fast forwarded the scene, but soon I wanted to know more and then I went back to watch and then fast forwarded again. That little space was what the devil needed to get hold of my mind because for many months after, I was not the same.

It started with dreams, dreams filled with lesbian scenes and waking up feeling dirty. I knew that lesbianism was unacceptable to God so I fought to keep my mind off such thoughts. As days passed, I realized the scenes kept playing in my mind and before you know it, I started looking at my fellow girls differently. I thought I was becoming a lesbian.

I had always liked guys but the devil kept saying to me-“If you are not a lesbian, why were you turned on whilst watching that scene, why are you having these dreams and why do you now find girls attractive; that movie should not have affected you if did not already have lesbian tendencies”.  I didn’t know how to bind and cast but I did what I thought I could in terms of prayer, this thing was eating me up gradually and what made it worse was the fact that I couldn’t tell anybody for the fear of being judged.

After church service one day, a girl walked up to me and asked if I was okay, that I looked really worried. I told her I was fine, but she kept pressing and said whatever was wrong, that God would handle it and I should talk to a Pastor in our church. After a few more days of considering the pros and cons of talking to a Pastor, I decided that my deliverance was better than my  image and then I gave a call.

To my surprise, she laughed when I narrated my experience and said: “the devil is a deceiver, he is only projecting a lie to you so that you believe and fall into the trap, you are not a lesbian” She asked me to meditate on Philippians 4: 8 “whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue and if there be any praise, think on these things”. I felt relieved.

During the next service, there was an alter call for people struggling with anything that they needed God to help them through and I went out. There at the alter I cried out to God to deliver me and help me through what I was going through that was too weird to talk about.

Time passed and I realized one day that I no longer thought or felt those things and I really don’t remember the exact time or way it stopped but I know that God delivered me from something that could have led me to a dark tunnel. I never testified until now. Thank you for this platform, I hope people read it and know indeed that the devil is a roaring lion looking for whom to devour. He can pass through anything from filthy conversations, to movie scenes. We must put God first in every area of our lives including the kind of movies we choose to watch.

PS: Who would have thought that an “ordinary movie” could put someone through this. Thank God we serve a good shepherd who goes to recover the littlest of lambs from the mouth of the wolf.

I have a question for you though. As a Christian, does your life, words and preferred entertainment edify or defile you and the people around you? Trust me, you don’t want to be the avenue the devil passes through to destroy lives.

If you are struggling with anything that is “too weird to talk about”, you must know that you have a High Priest that has been tempted in every way and is more than willing to give you rest from your distress. Please say this prayer:

Dear Father, thank you for reaching out to me today, thank you for your everlasting love. Lord I choose to lay this burden at your feet today, deliver me from… (insert your struggle).  Thank you for answered prayers. Amen.

God bless you for reading once again. Don’t forget to share😃.


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Victory Osarumwense

Popularly called Victory Osas is a Financial Analyst by day and a creative storyteller with every breath she takes. She is the kind of person who would take the window sit in a car just to look at the people walking by. She says that people are walking stories and often finds a way to wrap ordinary moments that people would overlook to her works.

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